Cousins--NonMahrems yet Mahrems?!

[YM Darling]

This topic could and does I think get a little mixed up because a lot of times, especially in desi (indian, pakistani) cultures ones bought up where you call your cousins as you would your older brothers, and are given the free will to go and hang out with them as much as you want and not have the mindset to act the way one is suppose to with NON mahrems which is exactly what they are. I think many times people get too close or relaxed with cousins, regarding hijab and haya when there really isn't much. Any thoughts or comments on this?

Was salam

[KhalillullaH]

hey asalamualikum
i knw exactly what ur talking abt! people tend to get carried away when it comes to that. even if the guy is not a cousin but an uncle (ur real aunt's husband) u still have to wear hijb in front of them, yet they don't seem to understand this concept. before in the days (when i was in jahilliyah - astaghfirullah) i was guilty of this. i mean yeah i knew my limits, but there was just no haya. and now i feel ashamed of that but the person who i didn't have haya with, allhumdolillah i am glad to say is that he won't let anyone touch him, same goes for me, i can't even make eye contact more than once, allhumdolillah. but many times, people sy, laykin tumara bhai hai or bhai jesay hai (but he's ur brother, or he's like a brother) the BOTTOM line is is that he's NOT ur brother. and personally i don't like when people say that or they say that's their opinion, cuz in this matter, nobody cares!! :) What Allah says go. well i hope we all start acting as though our cuzins are like the outside male people, cuz member - no haya, no life!! lolzz i took that from that post :rollin take care everyone
wasalam
Rahema

[justread]

salaam,
i just wanted to ask do u need to wear hijab in front of ur father in law?

[Jihad bin Nafs]

Assalamualaikum
In surah Nur it says not to display your beauty except to your husband, your father, your father's husband, your sons, your husbands' sons, your brothers or your brothers' sons and i think those are all your mehrams..So you don't have to wear hijab in front of your father in law
Wsalamualaikum

[smileitssunnah]

(i think she means husband's father and not father's husband
:) )

[Azeem NYC]

no, i think she really meant fathers husband.

[Sara]

salaam guys i had a ? abt this. when we go to pak i have to stay wit our cusins and stuff, and i have like 10 guys cusins my age. no girls so i hang out wit the *aunties* anyway so hmm do i have to wear the headscovering? since i have to u know live there for 2 weeks or whatever? like i cnat be going to sleep wit it on rite ?>

[huda1087]

Sara, you scare me. You are so much like me. Like when you talk about dancing at parties to Indian songs, wearing eyeliner, and now this. When we go to India, we travel around to my father's siblings houses, and most of my cousins are guys, but I wear the hijab infront of most of them, except for my uncles kids, cause those guys are like 10-15 years older than me, and are more like uncles themselves. Atleast thats what I did last time, cause that was the first time Id been there since I started, and i knew that I probably should wear it, but I having problems adjusting to the heat, cause i was having headaches and was getting almost hysterical at times, and ready to faint, that kind of thing, so i decided i would take it off there, since thats where we are "based" and usually are. I dont know if thats allowed, but I really couldnt stand it on, so i dont know.

[Sage1996]

It's surprising to know that many of the people here have the AUDACITY TO STEREOTYPE THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR SPECIFICALLY TOWARDS INDIANS/PAKISTANI'S.

1) This doesn't only occur in Desi households, and how do you know that this occurs more often in Desi households than compared to another ethnic group? Have you lived that 2 different house's to make that conclusion?

2) KhalillullaH > "u still have to wear hijb in front of them, yet they don't seem to understand this concept". Again, GENERALIZING. Why do you say "they"? THis is absolutely ridiculous and an INSULTING remark. I cannot even BEGIN to express my anger towards your statement.

Before you start stereotyping towards people, I suggest that you stop looking at the portrayed image of that specific group and investigate what REALLY happens there.

Although some of the people here are desi, this does not occur at every house.

[Intifada1286]

asalamualaikum

:D yo i no xacly wut u ppl r talkin about. cuzins r stricly non mahramz but 4 sum reason it bcums kinda kosher 2 hang out wit dem :rollin astagfirulah! dis iz hArAm. dey our our non mahramz jus like any oda guy off da street. i no wut u guyz r talkin bout cuz i no ppl very close 2 me who cover an evrything outside but weneva theres a party or sutin dey don even wear hijab n fruna dere cuzinz. :( its prity sad. ma'asalama. :D

[Sage1996]

"Kosher".

[Sara]

salaam.. well my prob was (huda:) ) that i have to stay at the same house as them for a week. so what do i do? wlak around the house wit a hijab? like all day and all night? cus thats like our "base camp" thats y i brought it all up. i knwo that we have to cover up in front of them its jes that since ill be LIVING there. i dunno. actually im not even going this summer its for future reference.

[YM Darling]

just to make things clear... i wasn't "sterotyping" when i said desi culture....i said that frm my own perpspective of what i ve seen mostly and heard from my desi and non desi friends..if anything if the desi do tend to have this more( IF ) they do then its not exaclty somthg to be proud of and thing i dont think she meant the whole desi mankind....i think a lot of us when we say "they" or desi' we r saying it from personal experiencees and observations , so need to really get mad about it...

as for the real topic.....yea it defenteley is a must to cover in frot of cousins. except for those who are not mature... no matter who "close" one is to them, even if it's hot) i know sister it gets harrrdd...lol...byt maybe you can tie around a big shawl type thing thats lite but covers fully also)
i just think a lot of time i know its hard in front of cousins, and family cuz of the stuff one has to hear and sacrifice, but we should try to remember the hadtih about how adultery has many characteristics, including of the eye, speech, etc. So that hadith doesn't say except in cousins , you could take off your hijab and have some fun with some "unharmful" flirting, NO, the rules are still there...
Was salam

[KhalillullaH]

asalamualikum wrwb

what? Sage, please tell me how i was insulting cuz my statement it was a statement regarding what i have seen amongst the members in my community in Florida. cuz this is what happens down here and sometimes you get the cold shoulder because you have to do whats right. i'm sorry if i said anything to offend you.

i know, hun, covering up for 2 weeks in the hot summer days is mad hard but hey you get reward!! like i have cuzins who are 15 years older than me but i still gotta cover up in front of them, even though during the nite i sweat. lol j/k.
wasalamualikum wrwb
ur ukhthi in iman
Rahema

[Sage1996]

Khalillullah > When you made that previous statement some time ago, you weren't being specific about your experience with a family in FL. You were saying "they" which I assumed you meant Desi's.

Anyways, sorry if I pissed off people...

[KhalillullaH]

Asalamualikum wrwb
lol, yeah it's not ALL the desi's cuz i mean i'm a desi too right and so many other people are desi but they practice the deen correctly too but down here it's usually desi's that can give you hard time, sometimes even more the the non believers. :( well, may Allah strenthen our Ummah insha'allah
wasalamualikum wrwb
ur ukhthi in iman
Rahema

[Sage1996]

I think that everywhere, and not just limited to "down there" do difficulties arise regarding Islam. It's very true though -- that some desi's give you a harder time than non believers.

[justread]

true, not all of them..and i see it in other cultures too like i have a palestinian friend and she was telling us that how she was thinking abt starting hijab and one of her family member was like "nooo no no dont do it" like its a really bad thing... :( and we were like ookkkayyyy (loser)

[Sage1996]

:\ thats sad.. the family should be supportive of every Muslim who wants to increase their faith in Islam.